Ubisoft has kindly given gamers a look into the bloody, screamy, and shooty world of ZombiU in a new video. I pray that they use the words, “bloody, screamy, and shooty” somewhere on the back of the box in the inevitable collector’s edition of ZombiU.
ZombiU is Nintendo’s attempt to get back those beloved gamers that grew up on Nintendo products. They know that now we like violence and zombies and guns, because we’re all grown up and tough and we don’t need tutorials with cute happy characters or casual gameplay. We’ve moved past that, except for the occasional game of Angry Birds, but we don’t tell anyone so we don’t lose our gamer cred, which is oh so valuable. I don’t have any cred because I’m a lady gamer, which means that I only game to impress boys. I’ll have you know that is not true. I game so that I can shoot boys in multiplayer games and laugh maniacally while screaming, “Why don’t you get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich? Oh what’s that? You can’t because you’re dead!”
The trailer from Ubisoft details the multiplayer aspects of ZombiU, although I spotted two errors in it that proved to me that the people playing the game were paid actors and not actual gamers. The first error can be seen at 0:40. If you lose a game, proper gamer etiquette is to throw the controller down angrily and say that you didn’t want to play anyways, that the controller was broken, or that the person you’re playing with is a cheater. None of these scenarios happened.
The second error can be seen at around 1:30. ZombiU gives players the chance to use the touchpad and play as the King of Zombies, because if there’s one thing the undead respect, it’s a monarch. This Zombie King can command zombies to different parts of the map in an attempt to defeat and kill their friend who is using the controller. The footage shows one of them losing and the two of them calmly exchanging controllers, which is utter nonsense. Real gamers would hog one controller, telling the other one that it wasn’t their turn yet, all while mocking the losing player. If only we all lived in this utopia Ubisoft has imagined, where gamers share controllers and lose with dignity.
