Performance Designed Products just announced the release of their new Rock Candy line of controllers. They’ve made colorful controllers for the PS3, Xbox 360, and Wii. According to the creators of these controllers, they’ve been designed for, “maximum control and maximum self-expression at a minimum price.” I’m glad to see that “maximum self-expression” means that they’ll use really bright colors. Usually it means someone got a lip ring or a regrettable tattoo of a velociraptor on a skateboard, thinking that it will be cool outside of the 90’s. Also, I don’t think any amount of color is going to make a Wii-mote actually do it’s job. That would take a miracle.
My favorite part of the description for the Rock Candy controllers is the way they describe the colors. They don’t come in mere blue, green, red, and pink, no no no. These colors have feelings, “a cool and calculating blue, a naturally talented and elegant green, a fiery passionate red and a wild, free spirited pink.” I bet blue is a bit aloof, and no one else knows that blue is in love with red because blue never speaks up and red just blows up all the time over nothing. Red is just misunderstood because red feels the same way about blue, but blue never reciprocates red’s feelings, so red gets all angry and starts yelling at pink, which makes pink cry. Drama! Also, green sounds like a bit of an arrogant jerk and pink sounds exactly like Pinkie Pie. Which would make green Rarity, red Rainbow Dash, and blue Twilight Sparkle. Fluttershy and Applejack have been left out, which is a tragedy. Quick, what colors are honesty and shyness?
The controllers will be available this October and will be priced between $12.99 and $24.90.
